Living on The Prayers

Like most Malaysians and the friends & families of MH370 passengers, I am glued to TV everyday at 1.30pm and 5.30pm for live Press Conference on the  investigation updates of MH370.  I have stopped reading FB threads, whatsapp, blackberry messengers and internet "findings" on the MH370 for a week now. If I can get daily updates from credible sources who directly involved in the investigation and who truly care about this issue, why bother reading others?

I am saddened by the mysterious disappearance of MH370 but I am very irritated, angry and MAD by irresponsible individuals who created unfounded news and circulated them on the internet, whatsapp and blackberry messengers.  Some even made fun of it by saying it was an alien abduction with images from Alien movies.  There was also circulated news that links the event to religious matters, citing it as God's punishment.  I read one of the circulated news from blackberry that said "This event was predicted by Pastor this and that". Some even said "It's the sign that the end of the world is coming, God's promise is being fulfilled'.

While I am MAD with the irresponsible people who created those articles, I am equally furious with those who circulated them.  Don't they think whether or not the articles bear truth?  Don't they investigate first? Are they that naive (or STUPID)? Don't they even think for a second about the feelings of friends and relatives of the passengers in MH370 before circulating them?  Are they really that blind and ignorant? Are they really that heartless?

Not a day that I don't pray for the safety of those on board MH370.  Not a day that I don't ask Allah to give strengths to their families and friends.  Not a day that I don't ask Allah to give guidance to the Search and Rescue team to find the MH370.  And to know that there are still people out there who make jokes, spread Photoshop-ed images of MH370 findings and circulate unfounded news really makes me sick.

Fortunately I am comforted by the genuine supports given by 25 countries to find the aircraft.  My heart warmed when Datuk Seri Hishammuddin Hussein, the Malaysia Defense Minister, said that he was willing to share sensitive military data that might compromise the country's security, as long as we can find the aircraft.  He trusts the 25 countries for not misusing the shared sensitive data in the future.  Other countries also share their military radar data to locate the aircraft.  Those 25 countries has been helping each other, giving whatever resources they have (manpower, money, information, tools, etc) to locate the aircraft.

I am also overwhelmed by the prayers and supports given from people all over the world regardless of race, skin color, religion, social status and nationality. It shows that there are a lot of people who care about the total strangers who were on board of MH370. After all we are one big family occupying the same mother earth.

Please keep on praying for the safe return of MH370.

I am going to Hell (?)

An old acquaintance contacted me a few years ago... Facebook and Blackberry Messenger (bbm) had brought back my long lost friends and acquaintances again. The last time I met this friend when I was in my teens, when I was addicted to hair gel and hair spray that could make me look like I was just electrocuted by lightning.  I remember the hard work to get my hair "stood up" like porcupine.  He remembered me as a "cool girl" who loved to dance.

Growing up in the 80's, being cool means wearing Madonna's style fishnet pantyhose, sporting huge spiky Cindy Lauper hair and falling in love with Simon Le Bon.  Going to a disco means having a very good exercise, dancing non-stop to the beats from Cameo, Culture Club and INXS while trying to keep the spiky hair stood up. It was purely dancing... no drugs and alcohol involved. My parents allowed me to go to disco almost every weekend as long as I would be back home by 11pm. I must say I really enjoyed those days when disco was just dancing..... nothing else. But of course, when I look at my teen pictures I couldn't help but wonder if I had misplaced my brain.

Since we had not any contact for the past 20 years, we updated each other's lives.  He told me that he got married and moved to another city.  I also told him that I got married and moved to Kuala Lumpur.  When he asked me which church I went to in KL, I told him that I was no longer a Christian.  I told him that I married a Malay guy and converted to Islam.  He was very surprised.  After a long pause, he diverted the conversations into general things. I could feel that he was not comfortable.

After three days, I received a text message from him.  He asked me if I was not afraid of the God's wrath for converting to be a Muslim.  He said that "as a good friend" he would pray for me to return to the right path. He believed that I would definitely go to hell for joining the religion of the terrorists. I told him that I believed I had chosen the right path and hopefully I won't be condemned to hell. I asked him politely not to talk about religion because not only it was a sensitive issue but everyone has the right to choose his/her religion.

Apparently he was adamant about his mission of "saving me from hell".  He would text me verses from Bibles almost everyday.  He also sent links to testimonials of Muslims who converted to be Christians.  He emailed me articles about terrorists who blew themselves for jihad, oppressed Muslim women in Saudi, sighting of miraculous clouds that looked like Jesus (I forgot to tell him about the miraculous Adobe Photoshop) and so many other articles that he thought might help me come back to the (supposedly) right path. He mentioned that he sent all those things because I was his good friend.

In the beginning I tried to be polite by just ignoring his messages and emails.  But after it continued for a month, I couldn't stand it anymore.  I blocked and deleted him in my FB and BBM. I did feel bad about this because I didn't want to be rude.  But a girl got to do what a girl got to do. Besides, I'd never felt that he was my friend.  He never really knew me even when we were teenagers.  We just said hello to each other when we met. After 20 years he suddenly appeared in my life, lecturing me about how bad my religion was and acting as if he was a very good friend who tried to save me from the burning hell.

If he were to lecture me during my disco days, I would probably think about it.  But now, when I have tremendously reduced my contributions to the holes in ozone, shrunk my hair and thrown away the fishnet pantyhose, I can't possibly believe him.  His lecture was just untimely.

And to say he did that because I was his good friend..... was such an overstatement.  I refuse to say that he is my friend because like what William Shakespeare said :

On another note, I have a close friend who changed her religion from Islam to Christianity.  She was born as a Muslim but as she grew older she learned more about Christianity.  She said she found solace and peace when she converted to be a Christian.  She never felt those beautiful feelings when she was a Muslim.  As a friend, I respect her decision.  Who am I to judge her?  She is a beautiful, kind, helpful and hardworking person. For the 30 years I know her, I've never seen or heard her doing bad things to people or even animals.  And yet, she also has experiences where her Muslim friends tell her to repent as she is a murtad and will definitely go to hell.  Her "friends" also try to save her from the burning hell.  They lecture her, send her articles about how wrong her Bible is, tell her stories about Christians who converted to Islam and how her children will suffer because of her deviation from the right path. Some even refused to befriend her again as she is now a kafir.

I believe one should educate itself about the freedom of choosing one's religion.  It is a total disrespect to think that people from other religions will go to hell. I believe it's the prerogative right of Allah to choose which of His creations should go to hell or heaven.

If I die...

My guilt is building....
My shame is increasing.....
My craving is maddening...

I neglected this blog for too long.  It's the longest time ever... I can't believe I didn't write anything for 2 months..!!!  I wonder if anyone misses my blog..?

Last month I heard a very sad story about one of my neighbours.  I don't know her personally and I have never met her but she taught me a very important lesson about life.

This is the story:

Not too long ago, there was a lady who lived in our community.  She was married and had a mentally-retarded son.  They lived in our neighbourhood for more than 30 years.  Their immediate neighbours knew them but never really interacted or talked to them.  Three years ago their son died. Their immediate neighbours didn't know that the son had died until several weeks later.

Last year her husband also died and none of the neighbours knew about it until the people from the mosque came to the house to do some prayer.

Last month the lady died and nobody knew about it until 2 weeks later.  She died alone in her bedroom.  Nobody knows whether she was ill before she died.  Nobody knows if she was suffering before she died. Nobody knows anything about her condition prior to her death.

When the police came to the house, the body was such in a decomposing state that they couldn't lift it without crumbling. 

The immediate neighbours felt very guilty for not being "busy body".  Some of them said that the family was very reserved.  Some of them tried to make small talks and conversations but met with cold stares. Because of them, they just minded their own businesses.  The neighbours tried to be helpful by giving them the privacy they wanted.

A few days after the incident, there were numerous stories about the couple, some are true and some are totally based on thin air.  Then there were theories and statements made by people (some had never met the couple) on why they died alone.

This incident has been a wake up call for me and my neighbours. 

When I die, how will people remember me? 
What kind of stories will be "aired" about me after I die? 
Will I die alone?
Will people miss me when I die?
Will I have a chance to repent?
Will I have a fulfilling life before I die?
Will I have the chance to ask for forgiveness and pay my debts?
Will I have the chance to fulfil all my religious obligations?
Will my children be OK?
Will I die in an embarrassing state? (God forbid...)

Because of this incident, I made some planning to prepare for my death.

Yes, it's a bit freaky.... planning for death... but I don't know when my "Big Boss" up there cut my lease on earth.  It can be today, tomorrow, next year or 40 years from now....

Whenever it is I want to be prepared.

For a start, I will try my best to be a busy body... who wants to volunteer..??

What's in the name?

I was baffled with all the big hoohaa in Malaysia about the government and royalties prohibiting non-muslims to use the word Allah.

I converted from Christianity.  During my "Christian time" I had always used the word Allah.  Allah is the God of Abraham, of Moses, of Daud and God of all the prophets mentioned in the Bible.  I had never been confused about the meaning of Allah nor who He was.  He is the creator of the earth we are living now. All Christians in Indonesia have been addressing God of Abraham as Allah since long long time ago.  Allah is mentioned hundreds of times in the Bible.  Having the largest Muslim population in the world, Indonesian Muslims never prohibit Christians or Catholics to use Allah.

Since I was a little girl, whenever I prayed, I always started my prayer with "Allah Tuhan kami di surga" or in English "Allah, our God in heaven".  I had always prayed to Allah.  So when I converted to Islam, it was not difficult at all... I still pray to the same Allah whom I had been praying to since I was a little girl.  The only different is the ending... I used to end my prayer with "Dalam nama Tuhan Yesus kami berdoa. Amien." or in English "I prayed in the name of Jesus Christ. Amien."  Now I don't end my prayer with that line anymore.

For the past 2 years, there has been a debate in Malaysia on prohibiting non-muslims to use the word Allah.  I find it very strange considering that Islam and Christianity came from the same root.  When mentioning Allah, Christians refer to the God of Abraham, the Creator of Adam and Eve, the Almighty.  This is exactly the same with Islam. 

Fortunately Indonesians don't need to go thru this debate or else all the millions Christians and Catholics would have to change the name of God to something else.  What name should they pick? Yahweh? Jehovah? It would feel very weird to have to change your God's name, wouldn't it? 

Being a Muslim convert allows me to understand both Islam and Christianity.  These two religions are very similar to each other.  Both shared the same prophets and teachings. Surah Al-Baqarah of Al-Quran mentions several times about the confirmation of Allah sending Torah (Taurat) and Injil (Bible) thru Moses and Jesus.

Instead of emphasizing the similarities, people keep on arguing on the differences of these two religions and on which one is the best.

Being a convert, I received broadcast messages (blackberry messangers) from both sides, from my Christian and Muslim friends, attacking each other.  The messages were meant to create anger and provoke the readers to hate the other religion.  While I usually deleted and ignored such messages, I do have a lot of friends who trully believe those messages and forward or broadcast them to their contacts.  I pitied them for completely believing the messages blindly without bothering to check the facts.  In this internet age, information flows freely... It is our duty as a brain-owner to filter any information going into our brains or else our brains will be clogged with rubbish.

Wars have been made in the name of Allah and Jesus as if Allah and Jesus are war lovers.

It really saddens me.... I long to see people from all different religions live side by side in harmony, SINCERELY accepting the differences...

When I was young I couldn't understand the lyrics of John Lenon's Imagine.  I always thought that he was a rebelious atheist who didn't like people having religions.  Now I understand it better... He saw how religions created wars, thus he imagined if there were no religion, there must be no war...

Don't get me wrong... I understand his thinking but it doesn't mean I agree with him.  I still believe in the importance of religions. Religions should bring the good and eradicate the evils of their followers.  They should provide guidelines and bring peace to the people....

Science investigates....
Religion interprets...
Science gives man knowledge which is power...
Religion gives man wisdom which is control....
Martin Luther King Jr.

I believe religion should be personal, not forced.  It is a very intimate and beautiful relationship between a human and its creator.  It is up to us on how we want to name our creator in our prayers, just like it's up to us on how to call our father : papa, papi, daddy, dad, pap, bapak, ayah, abah, or whatever it is.  Everyone calls his/her father with different name but it points to the same role.

Usually I avoid this kind of writing... about religions and such.. But this time I really can't stand it.. I am just tired of reading all the arguments, fights and attacks on people of different religions.

"One's own religion is after all a matter between oneself and one's Maker and no one else's." - Mahatma Gandhi.

Muslim celebrating Christmas

Christmas has always been my favourite holiday. The sounds of christmas carols, the pretty lights in the malls, the smell of fresh pine trees, the sinterklaas and swartepiets, the cookies, the christmas trees, the rains and cold weather, and a lot of other things that I can only experience in December.

When I converted to be a Muslim, I was confused... I still love and sing (off tune) Christmas songs, I still decorate Christmas tree at home in Bandung, I still cook my Christmas roast (but not turkey anymore..replaced by smaller chicken to fit into my small oven), I still go to malls just to hear the jingles and carols, and I still love everything about Christmas. Am I allowed to do this? Does it mean I am a less Muslim?

Some people may think that I shouldn't enjoy Christmas anymore...

But over the past 11 years I have chosen to keep enjoying it. Does it make me less Muslim? I don't thnk so. I have grown to understand my religion better and strongly believe that it is the right one for me.

When I looked back, I realized that my Buddhist mom, my atheist father and my Catholic sister had been having Maulud Nabi celebration every year since 20 years ago. They usually had an imam or uztads from nearby mosque in the house to do some prayers together with my parents's employees for Maulud Nabi celebration. My parents sacrifice lamb or cow almost every Aidil Adha at the mosque behind our house. They had done it for more than 20 years yet it didn't make them a Muslim or less of a Budhhist or a Catholic.

They did it to respect and appreciate the muslim employees who work for them, at the same time also enjoying the togetherness, the food, and the festivities.

A lot of people may not understand this but i trully believe that understanding and participating in other religious celebration has actually strengthened my belief in Islam. My husband has been my dictionary, my historian, and my engineer. I used to hate history class during my school days thus very ignorant on it... My husband came in handy explaining the history of religions, ready with wikipedia for referrence. By understanding the reasons and the origins of religious celebrations, I become a better Muslim. My views and thoughts on religions become clearer.

So when my girls felt guilty for wanting to have a Christmas tree at home, I told them that we would have it next year when our new house is ready. In fact, we plan on celebrating every major holiday next year. We will decorate our house for Chinese New Year, paint some eggs on Easter, put on some pelita during Ramadhan, (try) make a mini kolam on Deepavali and put up a christmas tree in December.

Living in Malaysia has enabled us to live a very rich life by experiencing massive cultural diversity.... Why waste it?

Imagine all the food we get to eat.... Yee Sang during Chinese New Year, chocolate in Easter, lemang in Ramadhan, chicken varuval in Deepavali and turkey for Christmas.

Just the food alone is a good enough excuse to celebrate every holiday....

Have a Merry Christmas and a happy holiday....

Lessons from Steve Jobs

While most people are touched and amazed by Steve Jobs's genius and creative ways incorporating art and technology, Steve Jobs inspired me with his life story and how he lived his life.

I have to confess that I am not a gadget person. I didn't get excited when Apple released its first iPod, iPad, iphone or Apple TV. I even laughed when my brother-in-law queued for 10 hours to get his first IPhone. My gadgets are only laptop and blackberry. Yes, recently my husband got us an iPad2 which I now enjoy tremendously but I am not the type who would buy newer version of any gadget. If it ain't broken, I ain't gonna replace it..

Steve Jobs made my father, who doesn't even know how to type and switch on computer, addicted to iPad day and night.

My mom uses her blackberry only for making phone calls. We bought her blackberry to join bbm group of our family and relatives. But she just can't operate it.. And yet, now she does FaceTime almost everyday with me and my sister who lives in Japan. iPad has been the only gadget she has ever used.

My two daughters can never get enough of the hundreds apps to play with, giggling and fighting with each other.

As for me, what he said and thought were great example on how I want to live my life. Here's the list:

1. To live as if it's our last day on earth.
2. Do only things that we love and passionate about.
3. Death is inevitable. Nobody wants to die... Even those who want to go to heaven don't want to face death. This shows how people always want easy and comfortable ways to reach what they want.
4. He connected the dots of his unfortunate events in his life and saw that all those events contributed to the success of his life. If he hadn't dropped out of college, he wouldn't notice the calligraphy on the wall of his campus. The calligraphy contributed to the first ever nice fonts in Apple computer. Remember how fonts looked like in PC before Apple? Green and ugly? If he had not been fired by Apple in the 90's, he wouldn't have the time to create Toy Story
5. Like anybody else, he also experienced business failure. While it hurts, failure is not something we should be ashamed of because it teaches us valuable lessons about "what to do" and "what not to do"
6. Hiring the right person is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING in any organization. He was fired by the CEO that he hired..!! That is bizarre..!
7. Nobody knows what causes cancer..! So many people claim and testify that certain pills, diet patterns, food and theories can prevent cancer. Steve Jobs only ate organic food. He was a strict vegetarian. His food at home was raw vegetables and fruits. He still got the rare cancer..
8. Last but not least... Human can plan but only God decides. When it's your time to go, you have to go... Nothing and no one can interfere with God's plan.

As million others out there, I was sad with his passing. Since Einstein, Edison, and Graham Bell didn't live during our time, no doubt Steve Jobs is the greatest inventor during our time.

As much as I am saddened, I am also a bit relieved.... I can still eat my steaks and seafood and ducks and lambs and muttons and chickens without too much guilt. There is no guarantee that being a strict organic vegetarian prevents us of getting cancer. My theory remains : cancer is caused by a very complex combination of food, beverage, state of mind, life style, gene, and hundreds of other things...

So..... Bring me my juicy rib-eye steak...!!