Cry Me A River...

Long long time ago..... after FAILING in love for so many times, I did a lot of silly and stupid things. I was so eager to know who my future husband was, how he would look like and when I would get married.  So, one of the silly things I did was visiting fortune tellers, believing that they had the solutions to my single life.  At that time I was a Christian and as a Christian, I was forbidden to seek any help or information from "the other world".  But again, I was a rebellious kid so I didn't really care about it.  I was curious and thought that God wouldn't be mad at an honest, nice but curious kid.  It's not that I worshipped something else, I was just having some fun...

I visited gypsy fortune tellers in US and some Chinese fortune tellers in Bandung.  Coincidently there are 3 fortune tellers who told me the exact same things.  Maybe they went to the same sifu or read the same books but all said that I would have 2 mothers, I would marry someone from far away place, I would have a sharp object cut my body, and I would have to remove the mole near my eye.  When I asked them why I had to remove the mole, all of them said that if I didn't remove the mole, I would shed a lot of tears.  My friend freaked out when the fortune tellers said that some sharp objects would cut my body.  She tought of the worst.... that I would be murderred or slashed by robbers or had freaky accidents.  She asked me to go to dermatologist to remove the mole.  As for me, I just laughed it out.

Well, since it was just for fun, I didn't really take it seriously and totally forgotten about it until last year when I met the same old friend who went to the same fortune teller with me in US.  She told me how silly we were last time, going to every fortune teller we could find just to find out about our soulmates.  We then talked about the time we spent together and how blessed we were to still be friends even after 20 over years.

After she left, I thought about what the fortune tellers told me... and funnily, all they said had come true.. I do have 2 mothers now, one is my biological mother and the other one is my mother-in-law.  I married someone who lived thousands of miles away from my hometown.  I had few cuts in my body from caesarean and laparoscopy surgeries.

When I was watching American Idol 11 today, I was reminded again by the last thing those fortune tellers told me : I would be shedding a lot of tears. I really have been shedding a lot of tears...!!!

I have been watching too many movies with teary moments... The older I get, the more sensitive my feeling has become.  I cry in almost every movie and every Oprah moment I watch.  My husband always teases me when I cry during movies (he once brought a thick towel for me to dry my tears).  He couldn't believe that I cried watching Lion King. I even cried watching X-Men. Today I cried when I heard an American Idol contestant sang.  I forget what his name is but his voice really touched my heart.  He sang beautifully with all his heart... I just couldn't control my tears...

Well, now I learn that shedding tears is not that bad at all... It doesn't mean unhappiness.  In my case,  my shedding tears had saved me money from buying contact lens lubricant... The down side is, I think my eyebags are getting bigger, big enough to store all the tears I would shed. 

Hmmm.... now I am contemplating of removing my eye bags... Who knows after my eyebags removed, I could watch korean dramas without finishing the whole tissue box? 

Assam pedas fish makes me slimmer

As always, I consumed a million calories during Chinese New Year holiday.  For the past few years, after dieting and suffering to the brink of depression, I managed to get back to my normal weight within 1 month surviving on bland boiled egg whites, green stuffs and no carb food.  However for the past few years it got harder and longer to loose those extra kilos thus making me wider, rounder and more huggable. 

So this time around, I decided to do more to lose those flabs.  Since I have more free time now, I was thinking of joining an exercise program with a personal trainer at a soon-to-be-opened gym for ladies only.  I was attracted by their colourful flyers : free personal trainers, exercise for only 30 minutes per session, 66% discount, guaranteed results.  Just what I needed..!

Actually I've been a member of a gym near my house for the past 11 years.  The gym is only 5 minutes drive from my house, situated inside a premier beautiful golf course, has a pretty tropical-landscaped swimming pool and has 4 restaurants serving delicious chinese, western, and local dishes.  So, actually there is NO reason for me not to go there.  But somehow I got tons of excuses not to go there.... (although I could never find any reason to not visit any of the eateries...)

Yesterday I went to the soon-to-be-opened women only gym.  I was greeted by a very nice lady in her late 20's. Judging from her toned body I could see that she spends a lot of time on various exercise machines.  I was salivating... imagining that I would have that kind of body 1 month after joining the program.

She told me that she would be one of the personal trainers there.  Great...!!

Just when she was about to explain the program, we were interrupted by a plump friendly lady in her 50's.  Judging from how she talked, I assumed this lady must be the big boss.  Right away she explained the program of the gym and how it is different from another gym.  She said that the program is proven effective in the US.  With guidance from their personal trainers, I would get the toned healthy body I am dreaming of soon.  To make it even better, I would only need to exercise 30 minutes per session, combining cardio and weight lift.

Instead of impressed, somehow I got irritated by her. First, by interrupting the conversation that I had with her staff. Then I got irritated when she said the program is very effective and result is guaranteed. If it is so effective, how come she is still very plump..?? I am waaaaaay slimmer compared to her... I must say that she is borderline obese.

After politely said that I would think about this and come back later, I left the place.  On the way to the parking lot, I shook my head... The company should hire some sales persons or managers who are suitable for its products.  Some people just ignore a simple thing like that. 

Very often when I shopped at department stores I was approached by salesgirls promoting skin care products.  They promised smooth, pimple-free skin, with radiant complexion.  But the sales promoters had pimples, dry skin covered with heavy make ups and tired looking eye bags. How could I be attracted and convinced by the products?

After the visit to the new-to-be-opened gym, I decided to go back to my personal motivator : my husband.  He knows very well how to motivate me to go to the gym.  His usual trick is like this : "Come, join me at the gym at 7pm.  After the gym we can have diner at this new place that I saw at the newspaper today. I read they serve top-rated assam pedas fish.  Guaranteed to make you smile." 

That's what I call selling.

School blues

My eldest daughter has always had difficulties in her school.  While she adjusted very well when she first started her kindergarten, she cried every morning for the first 3 months of her elementery school.  Yes... 3 full months, every morning, she refused to go to school and I had to literally drag her to school.

I can understand her rejection.... moving from a nice, fun and kind teachers of kindy to a big, old, loud, ugly bathroom and shouting teachers at elementary public school.  After 3 months of crying, finally she adjusted well to the school, doing very well in her study until Standard 2. I was a happy mommy...

Last week she started Standard 3 excitedly in the morning... But only to be traumatized again on her first day of school.  She came home with a sad face saying that she hated her math teacher and didn't want to go to school again.  I asked her why and she said, " My math teacher said that we have to master multiplication until 9.  If we get 1 wrong answer, she will hit us 5x and if we get 2 wrong answers, she will hit us and send us to sit outside the class."

I was shocked and angry... Math is a terrifying subject for most students and this teacher makes it even worse.  How can a child be interested in math if all he/she thinks about is the punishment?  My daughter scored 97% in math on her first and second grades  She didn't really enjoy math but she studied and did well because she said her math teacher was funny.  Now, she really hates math and think that she is bad in math.

I always believe in "Carrot AND Stick" method..... but I found out that carrot works better than stick.  I told my daughter that I would make her a VIP member of Spark City (online girl game) for a month if she got an average of 90% on all her tests in Standard 2.  She studied hard and she got all As.  But a few days ago when she cried (and almost vomitted) for refusing to go to school, I threatened her by taking all her priviledges of using any electronic devices, from TV to Ipad2 to laptop to PSP, she didn't budge... She insisted she didn't want to go and at her age and size, I couldn't drag or carry her to school anymore.  She really didn't go to school, staying at home without watching TV or play her electronics... just drawing, sleeping and reading. I don't know whether it's a virus or flu or stress but she had high fever for 2 days..! (she was happy with the fever because she didn't need to go to school...)

My mother-in-law and few friends suggested I talk to the teacher and tell her how her method of teaching effects my daughter.  However my husband told me not to.  He believes that my daughter should be thaught to be brave and confident.  If I keep on "rescuing" her, she will always be timid and scared of everything.  His solution is to toughen her up and build her self confidence.  Let her be punished... anyway, he said.... it's not a big deal to be hit and sit outside a class.  He knows that the hitting will not be bad or else the teacher will be in trouble.

I don't know which one is the right one.  I was punished a lot of times during my elementary school... I had to stand in front of the class, I had to clean the school compound, I was pinched, I had to squat under the blazing sun, I was hit by a ruler, etc... I went thru all those and my mother never ever went to school and complain. I turned out to be OK..

As of now, I will do what my daughter requested : She wants me to send her to Kumon because most of her friends who are excellent in math go there.  She forgot that she scored 97% for the past 2 years without Kumon.  But I will still send her to Kumon... I just want her to be confident.  If she thinks Kumon will prevent her from being hit by the teacher, let her be...

My mother-in-law insisted on talking to the teacher.  She will go to school tomorrow and have a talk with the teacher because she knows that I am reluctant to talk to the teacher.

Siiiiggghhh.... My childhood karma is coming back to me now thru my daughter.  I always scored A's in maths. In fact, math has always been my favourite subject. But I also had no self confidence.  When teachers asked me to go infront of the class, whatever numbers and alphabets in my brain would be gone with the wind.  I only did great in written tests but not in oral tests.  Now this is happening with my daughter....

Sometimes I wonder how my mother handled this... but I forget how and if I asked my mom, I am sure she also forgets.  She has been a working mom with 5 kids, so it;s impossible for her to remember this "small thing".

Being a mother is really full of challenging problems.  I think universities should have classes majoring in Motherhood, instead of only child education.  The teaching will be used more widely than anthropology, meteorology, or any other logy....  It will also be useful throughout life because mothers face problems with their children for as long as they live. 

If only psychologist fee is cheap and covered by insurance, I would have visited them everyday now...

Seasonal No More...

Few days ago my mother-in-law brought home a traditional Kelantanese delicacy called Surra. It looked unappetizing with "dodol-like" greyish rubbery texture. There were some yellow strands and beans sprinkled on it, making it just a bit interesting. Initially I was reluctant to try the ugly stuff but she insisted that I had to try this as people don't make this food anymore. She got it from her friend who made it by herself. I asked her what's so special about this Surra and what's it made of.

Long time ago, in Kelantan (one of the nine states in Malaysian peninsula) people made Surra only on Fridays during fasting month. The cooking was usually done in mosques by volunteers. On Thursday people would go to the mosques, each bringing a container of ingredients for making Surra. One person brought rice, another brought chicken, another brought eggs, some brought bird, some brought spices, etc. Everyone in the community would contribute something. It's like potluck in the US but instead of bringing food, they brought in raw ingredients. On Friday morning the volunteers would cook the Surra in a huge "kawah", a huge black metal wok for a few hours. After Friday prayers when the Surra was ready, everyone would get their containers back with the freshly-made Surra in it. The tradition stopped long time ago. Nobody does it anymore and it's very difficult to find Surra because people are too lazy to cook a dish with a lot of ingredients.  My mother-in-law said to make one nice surra, we need at least 20 ingredients.  Some of the ingredients need to be soaked over night before being cooked for more than 5 hours with constant stirring.

With a story like that, of course I eagerly tried the dish. Taking the first bite, the taste was very new to me. It took me awhile to get used to it... It was savoury, very rich in flavours at the same time I could taste some sweetness in the shredded chicken. After the second bite, I couldn't stop... But of course I had to stop because my mother-in-law only had two slices of surra to be shared with the rest of our family members.

Eating the Surra reminded me of all the food I used to eat when I was young.  Some still available, some are gone, some are modified.  I am a huge fan of traditional food so I feel sad when traditional food is forgotten.

Growing up in a Chinese family in Indonesia, I used to help my late grandmother made Onde on the 21st of December. She would gather everyone in the family to pound suji leaves and extract the juice to colour her dough green. Late in the evening she would have her rice-flour-dough ready for shaping.  Children would shape the dough into tiny colourful balls while adults shaped them into larger balls filled with sweet ground peanuts.  The morning of 22nd December she would boil the Onde and put them into bowls with hot syrup made of brown sugar and ginger. 

Bandung air was still chilly at that time so it was a total bliss to have piping hot Onde for breakfast.  Nowadays people can buy the Onde anytime from roadside stalls, no need to wait until 22nd of December.

Then there was "Bak chang" festival where every house would make its own version of Bak Chang, a triangle shaped rice stuffed with meats. For the whole week we would exchange Bak Changs with our neighbours and relatives, trying their versions.

During that time, food was not just a thing to satisfy hunger and appetite but it was more like a glue that connected family members, relatives, friends and neighbours.

Malaysians used to have Lemang only during fasting month of Ramadhan. The smell of glutinous rice cooked in coconut milk inside bamboos over charcoal fire made the nights of Ramadhan smelled heavenly.  The morning of Hari Raya everyone would be eager to have the Lemang and Beef Rendang as their first meal of the day.

Now we can find Lemang almost everyday in night market. To make it worse, we can even buy instant Lemang in plastic casing in supermarket. We just need to boil it. While some people say it makes it easier and faster to eat lemang, I just hate that idea.

To me, authentic seasonal food keeps traditions alive. When seasonal food becomes commercial and available all year long, it just lost its soul. When the soul of food is lost, eating is less pleasurable... It's not special anymore. 

I remember what my husband told me this morning : Too much of a good thing is not good, no matter how good that good thing is. (siiigghhh... the whole sentence is so complicated... typical of him..;).  I have to agree with him on this...

Now... I am waiting patiently for my first Yee Sang of the year.... I really hope they won't start making Yee Sang available everyday.

No new year resolution for me.. Just wishes on the wishing well

I never really knew what a resolution was until I went to US and people asked me what my new year resolution was. Almost everyone I knew there made new year resolutions so I thought I also had to make one. But unfortunately I didn't achieve much. Many of the resolutions were undone thus repeated again on the following few years after that. Even after more than 20 years I still can't fulfill certain resolutions such as exercise regulary for at least 3x a week, stop my addiction to coffee, put on night cream on my face everyday, put on mask every week, etc etc.

I stopped making resolutions about 15 years ago because I was just too embarassed, upset and dissappointed that I didn't have the strength, courage, determination and ambition to achieve them. Besides, life was not as fun anymore... The very purpose of my life was so focused on achieving my resolutions, my targets and my goals that I didn't enjoy it anymore. I planned everything to the details and when the plan did not turn out as expected I would be moody, sad and depressed.

So, when I went for interview 6 years ago and asked,"What is your goal 5 years from now?" I was struck mute.. I couldn't answer at all. I didn't set any goal anymore, I was in zombie mode. At that time I was struggling between motherhood and work, never had enough time to cook, to take care of my daughters, to work, to keep the house in order while doing my best to make my employers happy. So my goal (or I should say my wish) was : I would like to have a balance life. I didn't want to juggle anymore (if I were to juggle, I should be a professional clown). I would like to ENJOY my life as a mother, a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and an employee. But how could I say that goal during my interview? I also couldn't lie to the interviewer that I set my goal to be the General Manager in that company because honestly speaking, I didn't care at all. I went for the interview to get a job because I needed to work, just to keep my mind sharp, to get out from the house and meet people, to not feeling guilty for wasting my parents' money on my education, to get some pocket money for my cravings of steak and cheeses and to have an excuse to put on make up.

As expected, I failed the interview...

Fast forward to now... I just realized that I had reached my "silent" goal. I never really worked towards that goal. It just happened. The goal was achieved coincidently. I quit my full time job and started workimg part time. By working part time, I have ample time to cook and experiment new dishes for my family, I can go to parks with my daughters, I can have my piano class, I can meet my friends over lunches, I can have lunch dates with my husband, I can visit my mother and sisters more often... at the same time keeping my brain functioning and earning some pocket money to treat myself for a good rib-eye.

I guess it's true when people say "Be careful for what you wish for..... For your wish may come true."

My simple wish did come true effortlessly.... I am still sceptical about the theory from "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne and I am not totally agreeable with Jack Cranfield. While I do agree that our lives are determined by our state of minds, I do not agree that if we want to achieve something, we just say it in our heart, put it in our mind everyday and it will come true without having to do anything about it. I do believe that if we want something we have to work hard for it.

However, when I looked back and saw my experiences, I have to admit that maybe their theories are true. I am still doubtful though... I will need more proofs...

So, I have to start to make a wish list... Let's see if they come true...

Do you have some personal experiences on this? Do you agree with Rhonda Byrne?

What have I done?

We are ending 2011 and approaching 2012... I was stuck with this question in my head : What have I done in 2011?

The first answer came to my mind was : Nothing..!!

I felt I had done nothing important, just strolling my days and nights like zombie in automatic gear mode doing mundane housework. Instead of losing weight, I gained few kilos... Instead of regular exercise, I found every imaginable excuses to skip it.

But when I thought that I had abandoned my blog for more than a week, suddenly I realized that in 2011 I started blogging. Heyyy... I did do something different this year..! A warm feeling radiated in my heart... Then I started to think about things I started in 2011.

1. I started my part time job.... It's something I had never done before. It's not as easy as I thought. Working at home means a lot of distractions from my kids, my maid, my contractor, my blackberry messanger chats, facetime chat, TV, food, etc etc... I had difficulties in managing my time... making me doing my work past midnight when the house was quiet and nothing interesting on TV.

2. I drove and got lost in Selayang and Templer roundabout. For the past 11 years living in KL, I was scared of driving to unfamiliar areas alone, afraid of being lost. Now I "enjoy" being lost and found my way out to the right roads.

3. I overcame my fear of butterflies. Yes, I was scared of butterflies and all other flying insects. Now I have no goosebump and tingle in my ear anymore whenever a butterfly comes near me. But I still can't shake the nervous feeling when I see cockroaches yet... I will have to work on it.

4. I adapt slowly to a new habit or environment, too slow in fact. Shamefully I admit that while I have been embracing my "new" religion of Islam, I have been very slow in implementing its teachings. Fasting has been easy and I never skip it every year but praying in Islamic way has been very difficult for me. I had always needed my husband to guide me everytime I pray. I just couldn't remember the Arabic sentences that I have to recite during prayer. It really frustated me and I was so ashamed of it that I avoided solat jemaah (group prayer) and any religious gathering. Don't be misunderstood, I talk constantly to Allah swt everyday but in English mixed with bahasa Indonesia. I believe that Allah swt is a supreme being who understands all languages. In August 2011.... I could do my sembahyang (praying in Islamic way) by myself. It surprised me on how I could do it. It just happened.. I don't know how but suddenly I could remember and recite the prayers in Arabic. Come to think again, this is actually my biggest achievement in 2011.

5. I had a full two-week holiday alone, without my kids and my husband. This is the first time in my 11+ years of marriage being away from them for a long period of time. It was very refreshing... Felt so free... I felt young again like when I was single and carefree.. The break made me appreciate my husband more, for taking care and entertain the kids while I was away.

6. I went to Japan with my mom and my sisters. It was our first "girls only" holiday. Despite being stranded in Maihama shelter caused by earthquake and tsunami (we were there when the tsunami hit), it was a very meaningful experience for us. It is one of the best vacations in my life, doing nothing but chit chatting with my mom and sisters for a whole week.

7. Last but not least, I made a lot of friends thru this blog... From the bottom of my heart, I really thank you for reading my blog. It really means a lot to me... To have total strangers reading my rantings and grumblings.. And to have old friends getting to know me better thru my writings.

I wish you all a very Happy New Year... May our 2012 be filled with great beautiful happy moments...

Cheers...

Muslim celebrating Christmas

Christmas has always been my favourite holiday. The sounds of christmas carols, the pretty lights in the malls, the smell of fresh pine trees, the sinterklaas and swartepiets, the cookies, the christmas trees, the rains and cold weather, and a lot of other things that I can only experience in December.

When I converted to be a Muslim, I was confused... I still love and sing (off tune) Christmas songs, I still decorate Christmas tree at home in Bandung, I still cook my Christmas roast (but not turkey anymore..replaced by smaller chicken to fit into my small oven), I still go to malls just to hear the jingles and carols, and I still love everything about Christmas. Am I allowed to do this? Does it mean I am a less Muslim?

Some people may think that I shouldn't enjoy Christmas anymore...

But over the past 11 years I have chosen to keep enjoying it. Does it make me less Muslim? I don't thnk so. I have grown to understand my religion better and strongly believe that it is the right one for me.

When I looked back, I realized that my Buddhist mom, my atheist father and my Catholic sister had been having Maulud Nabi celebration every year since 20 years ago. They usually had an imam or uztads from nearby mosque in the house to do some prayers together with my parents's employees for Maulud Nabi celebration. My parents sacrifice lamb or cow almost every Aidil Adha at the mosque behind our house. They had done it for more than 20 years yet it didn't make them a Muslim or less of a Budhhist or a Catholic.

They did it to respect and appreciate the muslim employees who work for them, at the same time also enjoying the togetherness, the food, and the festivities.

A lot of people may not understand this but i trully believe that understanding and participating in other religious celebration has actually strengthened my belief in Islam. My husband has been my dictionary, my historian, and my engineer. I used to hate history class during my school days thus very ignorant on it... My husband came in handy explaining the history of religions, ready with wikipedia for referrence. By understanding the reasons and the origins of religious celebrations, I become a better Muslim. My views and thoughts on religions become clearer.

So when my girls felt guilty for wanting to have a Christmas tree at home, I told them that we would have it next year when our new house is ready. In fact, we plan on celebrating every major holiday next year. We will decorate our house for Chinese New Year, paint some eggs on Easter, put on some pelita during Ramadhan, (try) make a mini kolam on Deepavali and put up a christmas tree in December.

Living in Malaysia has enabled us to live a very rich life by experiencing massive cultural diversity.... Why waste it?

Imagine all the food we get to eat.... Yee Sang during Chinese New Year, chocolate in Easter, lemang in Ramadhan, chicken varuval in Deepavali and turkey for Christmas.

Just the food alone is a good enough excuse to celebrate every holiday....

Have a Merry Christmas and a happy holiday....

Let's live like a Bhutan

I've been wanting to write about this since a few months ago but distracted by other things.

I read this article at The Star newspaper about The King of Bhutan who measures the country's wealth NOT by GDP but by GNH which stands for Gross National Happiness. Initially I laughed it out and thought how ridiculous it was. But after a long discussion with my husband, i agreed with him that every country should implement this GNH, or at least every family should think about this.

GDP is measured by material wealth, by how much money an average citizen earns. But I found out again and again, material things do not guarantee happiness. In fact lots of wealthy people need to spend their monies on psychiatrists, doctors, plastic surgeons, papparazzi, "fake friends", car dealers, and real estate agents to make them happy. After they have spent the money, a lot of them are still not happy. So again, while material things are important to make us feel safe and comfortable, they don't guarantee happiness.

In Bhutan, the government is doing all it can to make its people happy. They spend the government's fund on researches for happiness. They spend government money on things that make its people happy. Isn't it what every citizen in the world wants? It's really money well spent. Our government spends millions of ringgit in building palaces and under-utilized stadiums. Did they do it to make the people happy? US government spends billions of dollars for wars in Iraq, Afghanistan, and other parts of the world... Do they do it to make the Americans feel happy?

I am trying to follow the way Oxford-educated King Jigme Khesar Namgyal spend his money. I will spend my money and time only on what makes my family, my friends and I happy.

What can make me happy is different with what can make you, my friends and other people happy. So first, find out what can make us happy... Beware : amusement and happiness are two different things that can be mistaken for each other.

I am at my happiest when surrounded by people I love, enjoying delicious food and have great conversations. I don't care about fancy jeweleries, branded clothes, big cars, or other things... That's why I don't spend a lot of money on cars, clothes or fancy handbags coz they don't make me happy.

I spend most of my money on food : spicy food, street food, fancy food, exotic food, anything that has "food" on it except dog food and cat food. I just spend on the basic carnal need of human being.

Siiiggghhh...... Finally I can understand why I can't have the body, the hair and the skin of Adriana Lima.

An alien in Japan

My previous blogs have never been about travelling but this time, I just can't resist myself... I want to write about my travelling to Japan.

I am writing in the kitchen of my sister's house in Chiba over a cup of coffee with baked sweet potato breakfast. This is my second time here, the first trip earlier this year disrupted by tsunami thus less enjoyable.

I am here to be with my sister who just gave birth to a baby girl, Maya Murakami, three weeks ago. I am supposed to take turns with my mother in assisting her with housekeeping, cooking, baby sitting and keeping her sane during the first one month after delivery. Malaysians would call me the confinement lady, Indonesians would call me Inem and the Japanese would call me the lovely sister...

Since I am here on a mission, not for sight seeing, I practically spend my days at home or at grocery shops. We live in the outskirt of Tokyo so I rarely see any foreigners or anyone who can speak English. Although I had Japanese language for 2 years during my high school, I lost them all. I am dumb and mute in Japanese now and I accidently left my Japanese phrase book in KL. So, my first trip to grocery shop made me nervous.

I love grocery shopping in foreign countries. I enjoy looking at the fruits, vegetables, meats, dried goods, and other things that I can't find at home. Everything here is pre-packaged and labeled. I can't find any weighting machine there. Onions, spinach, gingers, fish, fruits are all cleaned and wrapped, so I can just grab and go. All beef is boneless, sliced thinly and has light pink colour due to the high grade of fat marbling. Chicken is cut into parts and mostly boneless. I can't find whole chicken. The only chicken part with bones is chicken wing thus it's quite impossible for me to make tasty chicken broth. I had to settle with ready-made chicken or beef stock.

When I approached the cashier, I got panic... She mutterred something in Japanese and I couldn't understand. I told her, "Nihon go wakarimasen." meaning I don't understand Japanese. But she keeps on talking until I paid, took my change and the goods that I bought. When I told my sister about this, she asked me to ignore it. She said all cashiers mutter some welcoming sentences and have standard questions that need answer yes or no. If I ignore it, it means no. she also needs to tell the price of each item when it's scanned thus making her talking non-stop. That's a new experience for me compared to the Malaysian cashiers who do not even look at me, keep her lips tight throughout the scanning, paying and putting the goods into bags.

As a muslim, eating out is very difficult. Tokyo has few halal restaurants serving mostly Indian food. I can't find any halal restaurant in our area except for sushi shops. Sushi here is more expensive than it is back home and I can't eat sushi all the time. I don't want to go back to KL with scales and gills. Most of Japanese foods have pork elements in them, from ramen to bento to curry to instant noodles. Yes, we can get shrimp and vegetable tempura but to eat that everytime we eat out is like putting more oil into my already oily scalp... yuuucckk.!!

I use buses and trains everywhere. They arrive on time up to the minutes. There was time when I waited for a bus that should arrive at 8.24pm and the bus didn't arrive at 8.25. I began to panic thinking I must have stood at the wrong station. Then when the bus arrived at 8.26, the driver apologized again and again and again...

I notice that nobody travels in group. Everyone gets on and off the buses and trains alone. Nobody talks, eats, chats, laughs, giggles or even whispers in buses and trains. Everyone is either reading, sleeping, texting or playing with psp, oblivious of the surrounding. I am amazed on how those who are sleeping on a train can wake up just in time at the designated stations. I think even the biological clock of Japanese bodies are fully tuned to be on time.

Everything is done following procedures and rules, accurately...

I don't know how long I can last in Japan until someone reports me to the immigration and deports me. I love whole chicken, with bones, head and feet. My brother-in-law will faint if he finds some chicken feet stew on the diner table. I am a self-confessed foodie in KL but here, i stare at restaurant menus, don't know what to order.. I am not always on time... I have missed few buses by few seconds. I am a rule breaker, jay walking near traffic lights. I chat, laugh and giggle in trains and buses with my mom and sister.

I am really an alien here... A happy and legal one.

Whose fault is it?

Mornings drive me crazy... I savor the extra 3 minutes snooze of the alarm clock. It goes off like 5-6 times until I m fully up. Then I rush preparing my eldest for school, making breakfast, having my coffee, showering, preparing my youngest for school, sending her to school and buying groceries. When I get home, most of the time I am still not awake...! I am just a slow starter in the morning...

Becrause of my slow motion in the morning, sometimes my youngest arrives in school late. I feel guilty about that and try my best to be faster in the morning, to let go my 3-minute snooze, and to have stronger coffee.. But nevertheless sometimes she still comes late to school, not only caused by my slow motion but unexpected traffic jam, can't find parking spot, sudden stomach ache, bring wrong bag so have to turn around, forget to bring her book, my bad hair day, etc etc

When those things happens, she usually doesn't care because her kindergarten teacher doesn't scold her. But last week, when we were late, she asked me,"whose fault is it that we are late?" "Is it your fault or my fault?"

I was taken back by her questions. I didn't like the sound of her voice and definitely I didn't like the fact that she is trying to find who to blame, which was me of course..(i couldn't let go my 3-minute snooze).

Long time ago in one of the management classes, i learned to find "what is wrong" when something unpleasant happens, not so much of "whose fault is it". I tried to practice it in my work life as well as my personal life. It was frustating because very often my instinct told me to ask "whose faults". We love to find someone to blame. It gives us a feeling of being better or even smarter.

While it is ok to ask who did the wrong thing to find out what happened so we can correct the mistakes, very so often we stop at that point and concentrate on blaming, scolding, or even hitting the person until he/she looks like an oxymoron surrounded by einsteins. We forget on correcting the mistakes. What we usually do after that is telling other people that the disaster was caused by an oxymoron who deserves nothing but a severe punishment. Then people start talking like they are the smarter ones who never make mistakes.

Usually in that situation I would interrupt and try to get people start finding solutions to the problem and leave the oxymoron alone so he/she can open the window and jump from the building and go crying on his/her mommy's shoulder.

But when I do that, people think I am being a defence attorney of that oxymoron and start talking to me as if I were the one who created the whole disaster or part of the disaster makers.

Because of that, I started to be quiet when things go bad. I would just listen and only react when people ask me for help. I know it's wrong and I do feel bad about it. But there are times that I just want to be selfish and mind my own business. I just play safe even if it makes me look more stupid than an oxymoron. At least I don't need to deal with loud accusing voices that can break my eardrums. We all know how expensive and uncomfortable it is to have a broken eardrum fixed, right? Just not worthed.

Pillow talks and partner in crime

I love spicy food...
She can't even stand the tiniest chilli powder on her food

I only drink ice water after meal and I drink lots of it
She hates drinking water, only tea and coffee will do

I shop only when I need something
She can find lots of excuses to buy everything on impulse

I enjoy cooking
She doesn't even know the difference between stir-fry and deep-fry

I dread going to gym and do anything that makes me sweat
She is an exercise junkie... She can go to gym twice a day

I am hopeless in throwing parties
She can't live without hosting breakfasts, lunches, teas or dinners less than once a week

I dress up and put on make up only when I have to
She follows the latest fashion trend and can't go out from her house without her eye-liner and lipstick

I love working with numbers
Numbers give her headache

I am obsessed with food
She eats only to avoid starvation.. If pills can make her live healthily without food, she would probably have boxes of those pills and not a single grain of rice in her pantry.

We are so very different, yet we are so connected.

We don't see each other often. For some... not even once a year. But when we meet again, it's like we were never separated. Facebook has made it even easier for us to update each other.

I am so blessed to have my BFFs... All of them are so different from me yet we can understand each other completely.. No explanation needed...

I used to think that friends click because they share the same hobbies, same passions, same social status, or even same taste of clothes/food/boyfriend.

But when I think about my friends... Most of them are different from me... Our differences actually complement each other and make the friendship more interesting.

In this world, people tend to stick to "their own kind". They group themselves based on the same race, same religion, same social status, same skin color, or some other silly things. I believe that no matter how different one person to each other is, everyone can still get along fine when he/she stop thinking that his/her race, religion, skin color, or social status are superior than others.

I thank Allah swt for blessing me with different types of friends who have been my shoulders to cry on, my partners in crime, my personal drivers, my party mates, my body guards, my pillow talks, and my food tasters for the past 20-30 years of my life. If they have the same personalities with me, nobody would have forced me to exercise, reminded me to put on make up for my husband, stopped me when I keep on eating and eating, and saved me from wearing the same old clothes over and over again til the point of embarrassment.

Let's embrace diversity and live the world in full colors.


PS : My dear friends who read this blog, you know which one is you.. ;) Miss you and love you all....