Fighting my own demon...

I've been struggling to make peace with the word of "discipline". I have always been a procastinator, pending things to the last minute. I had made myself look crazy and stupid because of that bad habit of mine. During my college years, I used to postpone studying for exams til the last day. I remember studying until 4am for my 8am test just because I wasted one month doing nothing. I was lucky that I could ace the tests but a week after that usually I forgot everything I learned.

When I started working, I didn't really have any issue with being a procastinator because due to the heavy workload, I didn't have time to postpone anything. Everything had to be done ASAP. Now I learn that I perform better if I have very limited time but slack when I have plenty of time. If I am given a week to do a day's worth of job, I would wait until the end of the week to start doing it.

With fasting month is around the corner, I am racing to make up for the lost fasting days last year. I could have fasted within the past 10 months and yet I just started last week... I still have 2 more days to fast and this durian season has been a big temptation. Eating durian warms our body temperature which make us feel thirstier. How can I fast when I want to eat my durian? It sounds really ridiculous but I seriously cancelled my fast few times because of the durian.

My husband tempted me... He bought 2 huge Musang King durian. Musang King Durian is very sweet, creamy, rich with very thick pungent flesh and tiny seeds. It is really the King of the King of Fruit... When the King visits you, how can you refuse him?  There I was, giving in to temptation... welcoming the ugly-thorny-looking-pungent-smelly king with wide open hands...... I felt bad... but again, come on.. it's THE KING...!!!! Besides, I have one more week to redeem it...

I am going back to school.  I started a 9-month course in Internet Commerce last month.  I was inspired by a few brave strong mommies who had gone back to school to pursue their passions of learning.  Some of them had to work full time, cook for their families, clean the house, do laundry and take care of the kids while doing assignments from school.  All of them told me it was tough... but all of them completed their courses.  I admired them... A LOT...!! I was embarassed to complain about my housework.. I have a maid to help me and I only work part-time, so I have no reason not to do it.  Besides, my husband was super supportive when I told him I wanted to go back to school.  He actually envied me.. He has always wanted to go back to school and learn more about Islamic Finance but he prefers to wait until retirement... I told him that we'll take turns..

Now that I am a student again, I am reminded of my bad habit : procastinate.  I am kicking it as hard as I can.  I started my assignment three weeks before the due date and I force myself to do a little work everyday.  It is hard but I am glad I am kicking that procastination away... I have a very weird sleeping pattern now... I start doing my assignment at 11pm (after everyone sleeps and no more interesting program on TV) and usually finish around 1.30am.  I wake up at 6am to prepare the kids and send them to school.  Then breakfast with my husband.  Once he leaves, I go back to bed... doze off until 10am before I resume my day. 

I thank God for being able to afford that kind of lifestyle.... Sleeping late is really the only luxury I have now...

But my maid, Inem, is getting annoyed... She doesn't understand that I actually "work" infront of my computer at home.  She told me that I have been "playing too much" on the computer.  I told her that I am back in school and studying but she just doesn't understand.  For her, school is for children.

When she noticed that I went back to sleep after my husband went to work, she asked me if I were pregnant...!! Whoooohaaa... No way...

My Inem has been giving me this look for a month now... I am trying to read her mind and her mind said that she should be alert, her employer is having a mid-life crisis, lying about going back to school... just to find excuses to be lazy and sleeping late...

Watch it Inem... 9 months from now, I will get my Diploma and stick it on the wall so you know I am not lying and I am not having a mid-life crisis.. (unless I told her that I plan to take diving course and art classes that will require me to go on vacation more often)