If I die...

My guilt is building....
My shame is increasing.....
My craving is maddening...

I neglected this blog for too long.  It's the longest time ever... I can't believe I didn't write anything for 2 months..!!!  I wonder if anyone misses my blog..?

Last month I heard a very sad story about one of my neighbours.  I don't know her personally and I have never met her but she taught me a very important lesson about life.

This is the story:

Not too long ago, there was a lady who lived in our community.  She was married and had a mentally-retarded son.  They lived in our neighbourhood for more than 30 years.  Their immediate neighbours knew them but never really interacted or talked to them.  Three years ago their son died. Their immediate neighbours didn't know that the son had died until several weeks later.

Last year her husband also died and none of the neighbours knew about it until the people from the mosque came to the house to do some prayer.

Last month the lady died and nobody knew about it until 2 weeks later.  She died alone in her bedroom.  Nobody knows whether she was ill before she died.  Nobody knows if she was suffering before she died. Nobody knows anything about her condition prior to her death.

When the police came to the house, the body was such in a decomposing state that they couldn't lift it without crumbling. 

The immediate neighbours felt very guilty for not being "busy body".  Some of them said that the family was very reserved.  Some of them tried to make small talks and conversations but met with cold stares. Because of them, they just minded their own businesses.  The neighbours tried to be helpful by giving them the privacy they wanted.

A few days after the incident, there were numerous stories about the couple, some are true and some are totally based on thin air.  Then there were theories and statements made by people (some had never met the couple) on why they died alone.

This incident has been a wake up call for me and my neighbours. 

When I die, how will people remember me? 
What kind of stories will be "aired" about me after I die? 
Will I die alone?
Will people miss me when I die?
Will I have a chance to repent?
Will I have a fulfilling life before I die?
Will I have the chance to ask for forgiveness and pay my debts?
Will I have the chance to fulfil all my religious obligations?
Will my children be OK?
Will I die in an embarrassing state? (God forbid...)

Because of this incident, I made some planning to prepare for my death.

Yes, it's a bit freaky.... planning for death... but I don't know when my "Big Boss" up there cut my lease on earth.  It can be today, tomorrow, next year or 40 years from now....

Whenever it is I want to be prepared.

For a start, I will try my best to be a busy body... who wants to volunteer..??