My 40th birthday went uneventful last year, spending it together with Hari Raya holiday in Bangkok with my in-laws. Nothing special happened and I didn't feel any difference between celebrating my 31st, 35th or 40th birthday. At that time, turning 40 was just a number.
Last week, suddenly I could really feel "The 40 Effect". I was just resting when all these feelings came unannounced. There was this voice knocking on my head and said,"Hey you, you have spent half of your life already." The voice woke me up like an electric shock. Although I had always realized that my youth has long abandoned me, since a 20-year-old college student called me auntie..;(, only last week I felt that I am actually "not-so-young-anymore"..! Seriously...
What have I done in the first half of my life? What would I do on the next half?
I can tell you I did so many stupid, silly, crazy, embarassing, dangerous, nasty and ridiculous things during that first half. Along the way, I did hurt several people with my words and actions. How I wish I could tell those people how sorry I am, how stupid and inconsiderate I was. I told myself not to be as stupid, compulsive, erratic, and selfish in the second half of my life.
While most westerners celebrate youths and despise growing old, I find myself enjoying my wisdom age. A lot of people told me how nice it was to be young again... To be 17 again.. OMG, I don't think I want to be 17 again..! I can't imagine wearing huge shoulder pads with big Janet Jackson hair and Madonna net stocking..! (I still have my horrid pictures that make my husband laughing and teasing me nonstop).
I don't want to be broken heart and crying over lost love again (I m still stuck with huge eyebags). I don't want to study until 3am and have to go for exams anymore. I still have nightmares about being unprepared for pop quizz and forgetting homeworks. I don't want to endanger people with my zig zag driving anymore. I don't want to do embarassing things anymore (too many to count).
Turning 40 makes me feel more relax. I don't care about what strangers think about me. I am done trying to impress people. I know what's important in my life. I can finally differentiate between love, lust, in love and like. I can now live with the fact that different is good and arguments are not always bad. I can think using my brain instead of relying purely on my feeling. I can see inner beauty behind imperfections. I can see evil behind sweet pretty faces.
The only downside of turning 40 is I can't eat 8 greasy meals a day without worrying about my cholesterol and my waist anymore. While I gained weight easily, I could also lose it fast. My weight in a week could be as volatile as the stock market. Now... once it goes up..... It really stays there for weeks no matter how many times I hit the gym or do my Janet Jackson moves.
Other than that, 40 is fabulous.