When I asked them why they thought they were stupid, the answers range from "...because I didn't finish high school", "....because I got cheated a lot of times", "because I can't speak English", and the worst of all : "...because my mother said I am stupid."
I pity them so much that I try my best to change the way they think about themselves. Although I only believe 50% of what's written in "The Secret" book by Rhonda Byrne, I do believe that our actions, our moods, our works, and our happiness are determined by our mind.
I also believe that what mothers tell their children will be ingrained in their minds for a very long time. I still can't understand mothers who like to say stupid to their children when they come home with bad grades from school. I notice that Asian mothers do this quite often.
One lady that I met few months back insisted that she is stupid. She told me that everyone told her she was stupid because she couldn't cook well, she didn't go to college, she didn't know how to put on make up and because she allowed herself to be bullied by her mother-in-law and her maid.
When I asked her, "So what do you do when people say that you are stupid?". She said, "Nothing, just kept quiet." I really want to tell her : You really ARE Stupid...!! But of course, I don't want to add salt to the injury.
Instantly I vowed to change and save her.
She thought she was stupid because she couldn't cook. I've been teaching her to cook, nothing fancy.. just decent food so that her husband and children will not die of food poisoning. She was surprised that she actually cooked food that her husband and children ate last week. They even had second serving of the grilled chickens and pasta that she cooked for dinner. I was in tears when she called me to inform this "miracle".
She thought she was stupid because she didn't go to college. I've been teaching her that college is just a tool, that we gain knowledge not only from school but from experiences, books, tv, internet, etc. A lot of smart and rich people do not go to college, yet they make it big in life. I have to change the way she thinks, slowly...
She thought she was stupid because she didn't know how to put on make up. She is a very beautiful lady with fair and smooth skin complexion. Coming from an English-Indian father and a Chinese-Irish mother, I can see that she doesn't need make up at all. But she never thought that she was pretty.... Well, this is what people say about beauty that comes from the inside. She doesn't have beautiful feeling inside of her. I taught her to put on just a bit of mascara and foundation. She was just transformed when she looked at the mirror and smiled. It's not the mascara and foundation that made her beautiful that day, but her smile radiated from her happy heart.
The more I spent time with her, the more I believe that she is not stupid at all. She told me all about her ordeals having colon problems. She did researches on the disease, discussed it with her specialists, changed her lifestyles and got well. A stupid person can't do this.
This thing reminded me again on how important it is to have self confidence. Living in Asia, we are called "sombong" (snobs) when we have high self confidence. But I do believe there is a big difference between a snob and a person with high self confidence.
To be honest, I also grew up without having self confidence at all. I always told myself I was ugly, fat, stupid, and lazy. It took me 25 years to know that I was not one of those. Even now, sometimes the low self esteem creeps back in. But now I know how to shake it off.
I hope I can teach my children to be confident so they will never say "I am STUPID". If one day i hear them they say that... I can really faint and join those who like to say I AM STUPID. May God please help me...
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